This morning I still don’t have a 50/50 Friday post to update my list of 50 Things I Want to Do Before my 50th Birthday because, frankly, I’ve done nothing new. Life is moving too quickly right now for me to make much progress on my list. Instead, I thought I would post something quick today, something that made my morning, and which I will be sure to forget if I don’t write about it on my blog. So, I give you a one-act play entitled Friday Funnies….
ACT ONE: SCENE ONE
Scene: The kitchen in the morning. Unwashed breakfast dishes sit in the sink. A mother frantically finishes packing a lunch box as her 7 year-old son is playing on the breakfast bar with a toy. Mother grabs her keys and begins to walk out of the kitchen.
Mother: Let’s go. We are going to be late for school.
Diego: (looks nervous) Wait. I think I have to go potty.
Mother: (exasperated) Now? You have been sitting there all morning. (pause) Okay, go then. Number 1 or Number 2?
Diego: Number 2. Or a fart. Pause. A noise comes from the boy’s direction.
Diego: Oh. It was a fart. Let’s go.
(Exit stage left). FADE OUT
ACT ONE: SCENE TWO
Scene: Exterior in front of house. Beautiful Spring morning. Mother and son emerge from front door out of house. Mother carrying a coffee mug and big purse, nearly trips over a scooter that has been left directly on the porch outside the front door. Son trails behind and sheepishly looks on as his mother swears beneath her breath. Both proceed to get into a car parked in the driveway. The car is dirty, and school papers, and baseball equipment crowd the back seat as the son straps himself into a booster seat. Mother puts coffee mug in cup holder, climbs into the front seat and starts to drive away. Mother looks at son in rear-view mirror.
Mother: Wow. You look nice. Daddy did a good job combing your hair. I am glad we remembered it was picture day at school. Remember to button the shirt button before you take your picture. I’m glad you changed your shirt.
Son: Yes, but I wish I could have changed my pants. These pants are getting short on me. I think I am growing.
Mother: You really are growing. You do need some new pants. I will try to buy you some this weekend.
Son: These pants are a little tight too. When I grow taller, does my butt get bigger?
Mother: (Chokes on laugh. Spits out her coffee and it sprays on windshield)
Scene: it is noontime. Mother about to leave the office to enjoy a long awaited lunch with her husband. Cell phone rings. The caller id indicates it’s son’s school. The voice on the line is one mother doesn’t recognize.
Caller: Hello, this is Jeff from Diego’s school. Diego is here in the office with me. He has had an accident.
Mother: (beginning to panic thinking of all the playground accidents which could have occurred, or, even worse, perhaps Diego’s fart wasn’t a fart after all?) What kind of accident?
Caller: It’s his pants…
(Mother looks worried, her fears confirmed. Oh no, the fart?….)
Caller: …He’s ripped them.
Mother: (He’s ripped a fart in his pants?) OH NO!
Caller: Yes, he ripped his pants. In the seat.
Mother: (Relieved. Then, it begins to dawn on her what this means. Trying not to laugh, she is thankful she is not drinking coffee.) I will bring him a change of clothes as soon as I can.
Diego's pants after bending over in a game of kick ball.
What about you? Do your mornings look like comedies or tragedies?